


Cold Nights and Warm Feelings

by Lillian_nator



Series: Of Younger Brothers and Longer Nights [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:02:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillian_nator/pseuds/Lillian_nator
Summary: After a particularly bad panic attack, Tommy opens his window to get some fresh air. He didn't expect to find his brother on the roof doing his homework.Sometimes, you just need to know that someone is there.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Of Younger Brothers and Longer Nights [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982197
Comments: 49
Kudos: 1390





	Cold Nights and Warm Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> HEY - HERES SOME FLUFF AFTER TODAYS STREAM 
> 
> ANYWAYS, ENJOY

Tommy could feel himself panicking. 

He could feel himself sweating, and fidgeting, and breathing heavily. Everything was too much. That much he knew. 

It wasn’t that he was having a sensory overload persay. He didn’t have those - Purpled did, and he’d described them before, so Tommy knew that what he was feeling wasn’t that. 

It’s just, when Tommy was alone, he always got distracted. That was the only way he could describe it. Without someone next to him to ground him, he felt like he was watching himself panic from the outside. 

He knew that normal people could go a few minutes alone. He knew that other boys his age weren’t constantly surrounded by their friends and their family - but God Dammit, Tommy guessed that he just wasn’t normal. 

Tommy knew that no one else in the house was bothered by Wilbur’s guitar, two stories below him, or the sounds of his mother in the kitchen, or her quiet banter with Phil. 

Speaking of Phil. That was new. 

Phil hadn’t been home in years - off to college and shit - and it was more than strange to have him home, taking up space all of a sudden. Tommy barely remembered what Phil was like, what living with him was like. He was 10 years old when Phil left, he wasn’t even in Middle School, yet! 

It was too much. That was for sure. 

It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Tommy had always been a lanky kid, but as a 15 year-old, he had mostly gone through his growth spurt, and he was 6’3,- taking up a lot of space. He tried to make himself smaller, pulling his legs to his chest, and putting his head on his knees, but that only made breathing harder. 

At that point, he was hyperventilating, which he knew wasn’t good. 

He couldn’t be alone. He was such a disgrace - what kind of fucking kid couldn’t be left alone for a few minutes. 

_One with crippling abandonment issues, and lowkey undiagnosed depression._

He needed air - he couldn't breathe, it was all too much. 

He needed to distract himself from the noises. He found himself snapping the rubberband on his wrist, bringing him back to reality. Tommy looked at his wrist. It was red and raw. 

_How long had he been snapping the band for - was he taking longer to come back to reality?_

He looked around, his eyes were still wet. He knew that he just had to ride out these feelings, whatever they were. He knew that the deep despair that landed him, face down on his mattress in the first place would dissipate, he just had to bask in them for a while. 

But as of that moment, it was hot, too hot, and too hard to breathe air. He needed fresh air. He needed it now. Holy shit, he needed to open his window. 

He stood up, heading towards his window, feeling the vibrations of Wilbur’s guitar below him, on his feet, Tommy opened the window with half lidded eyes. 

“Techno, what are you doing up here?” Tommy asked incredulously. _What the fuck was Techno doing up on the roof?_

“Homework.” Techno said, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. 

Tommy stared at his brother, shocked, before he started to climb out of his window. Techno and Tommy’s rooms were right next to each other, both having their own window to this part of the roof. It was a place that only the two of them could get to. 

“Do you come out here a lot?” Tommy asked, one of his legs out of the window. 

“Sometimes,” Techno looked up from his Government textbook this time, shyly smiling at the boy. “It’s nice to clear my head. Sometimes the house can be noisy.” 

Techno must’ve seen the relieved look that Tommy sent him - _somebody understood_ \- because Techno softly patted a spot on the roof near him. “You can join me, just tonight.” 

Tommy lightly laughed. "Uh," Tommy scratched the back of his neck. "You looked lonely." 

"I was." Techno grunted. 

"Now you're not." Tommy smiled and sat down lightly. 

"Thanks." Within the sarcasm, and borderline huff, Tommy felt as though Techno truly meant it. 

Tommy sat down. Well, he laid down, looking at the night sky. It was perfect. He was cold enough to feel numb, yet also feel _everything_ at the same time. The night sky was dark enough for it to be calming, but bright enough for the darkness not to be overwhelming. 

It’s perfect. So, he laid there. He wasn’t sure how long. 

The rough shingles of the slanted roof were digging into Tommy’s shins and arms; they were scratchy, and cold, and everything that Tommy needed. 

_He should go out here more often._

It was too much and not enough at the same time, but the quiet - holy shit, the quiet of the night was something that Tommy needed to bask in for the rest of his life. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his friends, loud and full of energy; he loved how he, himself, was insane and loud, and screamed from the street corners in the dead of night. 

But, when he was feeling indescribable feelings, he just needed to sit. He needed to wallow in the feelings until they mellowed and went away. Until they were enough to handle without it feeling like his head was exploding from the inside out. Until his heart was back in one piece. Until the tears stopped falling, and he stopped picking at his lips, and he stopped snapping the rubber band on his wrist, and his fist unclenched, and he could properly see. 

He needed the silence. Because, goddamnit, the house was too loud. Far too loud. 

The T.V downstairs carrying the sound up to Tommy’s room, hearing that dumb fucking lady’s voice talking about fucking broccoli; the sound of Wilbur playing the guitar in the basement, sending vibrations all the way up to Tommy’s room on the second floor. The sound of his mother chopping up vegetables for his father’s dinner, the sound of Phil making idle chat with her while the knife scraped against the wooden cutting board - it was all too much, too loud. 

The cars downtown made the subtlest noise - but Tommy didn’t mind. His mind felt as though it had cleared in the brisk outside air, the cold wind nipping at his ears and nose, ruffling his hair. But he didn’t mind. It made all the more relaxed and calm. 

The night sky was beautiful; it was dark and mysterious, with specks of bright light - stars. He felt like he could touch them, and count them. They reminded him of the light freckles plastered on his own skin. 

Of course it helped to have Techno here. 

Tommy couldn’t handle being alone. He wasn’t sure why, but the calm breathing of another living being next to him calmed his nerves down exponentially. The slight heat that Techno’s body let off made Tommy feel warm and fuzzy; and they just sat in each other's presence, basking in the fact that they were both here. Both sitting on this roof in this calm, quiet, perfect night.

Tommy realized a long time ago that he didn’t need to talk out his problems. 

When he was younger, and his problems were mere specks in the lense of his life, he could easily communicate what was bothering him. However, as a 15 year old, with way too many repressed issues, and a lowkey inferiority complex, it was too hard to put his feelings into words. 

The problem wasn’t necessarily that he couldn’t put his feelings into words, although it definitely did not help his case; the problem was that even if he could communicate the deep, unsure feelings dwelling at the bottom of his heart, and the forefront of his mind, it wouldn’t help. 

Telling someone that he was feeling this way wouldn’t make him feel less inadequate, it wouldn’t make his parents show up to his games, it wouldn’t resurrect his old relationship with Phil, when he was merely 10 years old; it wouldn’t do any of that. Sometimes Tommy just needed to think, away from everything that was going on in his life. 

But Tommy couldn’t think if he was alone. 

What a contradiction, he knew. 

But he couldn’t seem to think straight when he was alone. He’d be too focused on the world around him, the brief sting on the rubberband on his wrist, how chapped his lips were, how bright his desk lamp was. When he’s alone he got too distracted. 

He knew. Far down inside, he knew that it is the result of too many years of repressed abandonment issues. He knew that his parents should have been around more. He knew that Phil leaving him at such a young age had a much deeper affect on him, than he ever realized. He knew that Techno shutting the entire family out for the months after Phil left for college had an impact on Tommy. He knew all this - yet, he couldn’t articulate just why he couldn’t be alone. 

It was probably due to the fact that all those feelings were _repressed for a reason._

So he sat. No longer alone. In the presence of someone else. Someone familiar. 

There was a reason that Tommy didn’t sleep most nights. 

He didn’t want to admit it. 

Tommy needed someone there, anyone there. He needed the noise of faint breathing, of Purpled’s constant drumming, of Tubbo’s light sighs, of Wilbur’s humming. He needed to hear the faint scrapes on Techno’s paper. 

He needed to know that someone - anyone - was there. That he wasn’t alone. 

He still felt things though. The cold, frigid, freezing wind did not seem to affect the feelings deep in his soul. He felt the anxiety funnel in and out - his hands clenching at his sides, almost shaking. He fucking hated everything, and he didn’t know why. He wanted to die, and he didn’t know why. He’s sad and tired. That was just a fact. He felt the deepest of depression thanks to the world, and he thinks he might know why. 

Tommy absentmindedly fiddled with the rubber band on his wrist, twirling it around his thin arm, stretching it out and snapping it back. He snapped it too hard, and shook out his wrist, before returning to the fiddling. 

Techno must have noticed his squirming, and snapping, because Techno’s left hand took Tommy’s right in his own - right after the second time Tommy snapped the band hard enough to make himself wince. 

Tommy looked over, shocked, from such a heartfelt action. Techno however, was looking at his government homework, his right hand writing down information from the textbook, his left held Tommy’s right hand securely by his left side. 

He was so warmed by the small gesture. 

That should be illegal. 

Tears lidded his eyes, he felt warm and fuzzy by the deed. This is stupid. Why is he crying over a dumb gesture? He attempted to quickly move his hand away for a second, he just wanted to fix the band, it was twisted and uncomfortable against his wrist, but as soon as he went to move away, Techno’s grip on his hand just became tighter. 

Tommy stopped for a second, to look incredulously at his older brother. He tried to give a harsh glare, narrowing his eyes, but Techno didn’t look back up, his eyes tracing his government textbook for possible answers. He felt tears stinging at his eyes for the second or third time that night. 

_Fuck._

He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He was supposed to be basking in his dark feelings, in his anxiety, in his panic, and suffering. He was supposed to be wallowing in the shallow pits of his despair. Now he just felt warm. 

Even the cold wind couldn’t compete with the fuzzy feelings within his soul. 

He swallowed loudly, trying not to breathe too deeply or hyperventilate. _It was so fucking nice. To have someone that understood. To know that he just needed someone there. Holy shit._

His face was hot, too hot. He just wanted to feel the cold bitterness of the air again. 

_Why the fuck was he breaking down at one touch? Why was his brain blue screening at the human contact?_

**It was so fucking nice.**

He looked down at his hands, one of which had a red wrist, and one of which was bound to Techno’s. His hand itched to fix the rubber band, but he knew that Techno would not let go. It was a bad habit anyways. He should probably stop. On both hands his fingernails were picked to the cuticles. He refused to bite his nails - that was gross - but he did, in fact, pick them so that they never got longer than the finger itself. That was a bad habit too, he should probably stop, but there were much worse habits to have. A brief thought entered his brain: 

_Techno’s hand was cold._

Tommy looked uncertain of himself, as he stared down at Techno’s hand. Techno initiated it sure, but it was the most Physical contact that him and Techno had had for years. Tommy and Techno were brothers - yeah, but they were never insanely close. Not like he and Wilbur were. 

Though most siblings weren’t close the way that he and Wilbur were. Had been. They were inseparable when they were younger, Wilbur taught Tommy how to read, and ride a bike, Wilbur taught Tommy piano before the blonde outgrew Wilbur’s knowledge, Wilbur taught Tommy everything. 

He couldn’t tell you the last time that Wilbur and Tommy hung out in Wilbur’s basement room. The last time they talked that wasn’t at dinner, or when they did homework at the kitchen table, or when Wilbur drove him to school. The last time they talked because they wanted to hang out. 

Tommy knew that it was his fault. 

He got new friends. Friends that Wilbur didn’t like. 

Wilbur would always ask about Purpled and Tubbo - like Tommy didn’t hang out with them anymore. He did - probably too much for his own good. Tubbo and Purpled were part of the new group. Wilbur was in denial. 

Wilbur didn’t like Dream. 

Tommy had changed too. 

Wilbur wasn’t a big fan of change. Wilbur took it hard when Phil left, only because things changed. He didn’t take it as hard as Techno, and he certainly didn’t take it as lightly as Tommy, but Wilbur _hated_ change. 

Well, when he thought about it, Wilbur really only hated things that he couldn’t understand. 

He understood why Phil had to leave. He didn’t understand why so many things had to change as a result. Wilbur didn’t understand the new Tommy. Wilbur didn’t understand that Tommy was no longer his baby brother - Tommy was 15, and Tommy changed. 

But, maybe Tommy changed enough to finally peacefully exist beside Techno. 

Not that he and Techno didn’t get along - that would just be a lie. They did. They got along fine, and they played Mario Kart, and Techno helped Tommy with his homework, and Tommy sat and listened while Techno practiced his speeches, and presentations. Techno was still Tommy’s brother. They got along, they loved each other - but they were never Tommy and Wilbur. 

But now, right now, Tommy felt like he understood Techno. 

He could never understand Techno’s need to be away from people - but deep inside Tommy thought that maybe Techno was lonely and felt the need to push people away, as to not hurt himself anymore. 

But he understood Techno’s need to be away from the world. To bathe in the quietness of the night. To take a moment to reflect. Tommy understood Techno’s need to work out his problems himself, to just ride through the emotions - or lack thereof. 

Tommy finally was on the same wavelength as Techno. 

Tommy realized that him and Techno were more alike than anyone would’ve guessed. It was strange seeing as he grew up learning from Wilbur, never leaving the brunette’s side. He guessed that it was an odd occurrence to the least - that he was more like Techno than maybe anyone else in his family. 

Whereas Wilbur and Phil talked out their feelings - Wilbur only once he had reached his breaking point, but talking nonetheless - Techno and Tommy contemplated their feelings. They just sat through the ride. 

Tommy looked uncertain of himself, as he stared down at Techno’s hand. Techno initiated it sure, but it was the most Physical contact that him and Techno had had for years. Tommy and Techno were brothers - yeah, but they were never insanely close. Not like he and Wilbur were. 

_Techno’s hand was cold._

Using his right hand, Tommy brought the back of Techno’s hand to his cheek. He smiled slightly at the instant relief. The tears were still slowly falling down his face - not that that was new information, he had been silently crying all night. 

His plans for this evening were to wallow in his own pity, afterall. 

Tommy leaned his head slightly onto Techno’s hand, making Techno look over, surprised at the contact. Neither Techno, nor Tommy were one for human touch usually, however, Techno initiated it, and Tommy was feeling soft. 

Techno shot Tommy a surprised look, to which Tommy only shyly smiled at him, leaning back into the hand for comfort. Tommy had never been one for confiding his feelings, he had never been one to talk about them - at all, so it definitely surprised Techno to know that his little brother so desperately wanted someone to be there for him. 

Techno could see it, even if Tommy couldn’t.

Techno didn’t mind. Techno could be that person. He could be there for Tommy. 

Techno would never admit it, but he didn’t mind having Tommy around. It helped him concentrate, the soft background sounds that the boy produced. However, Techno knew that neither he nor Tommy would ever leave their rooms, unlock their doors, to initiate contact. It would be too open, too vulnerable. Tommy almost never left his room after dinner, opting to just go in and out of windows, and Techno never left his room, unless it was to do homework at the dining room table, or to eat dinner. 

Techno had spent a lot of his free time up on the roof. 

Maybe he wouldn’t mind sharing his hiding spot with this particular brother, especially if he was gonna be this quiet. 

Maybe Techno would leave his window unlocked so that if Tommy needed someone, he could climb through. _Maybe._

Techno, throughout his thoughts, continued his homework. Tommy on the other hand - Tommy was tired.

He was leaning into his brother’s cold hand, which was slowly growing warmer, his tears stopped falling a few minutes ago. He was always tired though. It was a side effect of skipping most of your sleep to hang out with your friends at strange hours of the night. Not that he would change it for the world - no. Going to strange places with his favorite people, made him so unbelievably happy.

However, maybe just this once he would let sleep take over him - how could he resist when his brother was practically a human heater? When his brother’s soft breathing, and pencil scrapes were slowly luring him to sleep. 

Techno must have felt him slowly lean more weight onto his hand, because he pulled both of their hands away, and promptly said: “Toms, it’s kind of cold outside. You should probably go back.” 

The boy in question was too tired to answer, but he knew he couldn’t be alone. He was so content, here with his brother, an arm's reach away from him. He would spiral again if he was alone. 

So, instead of talking, because he knew his voice would be hoarse, and he simply didn’t have the energy, he shook his head, watching as confusion laced his brother’s features for the second time that night. Tommy shifted himself closer, inching towards the right side of the roof. He didn’t pay attention to his brother, as he laid his head on Techno’s shoulder. He heard Techno’s breath hitch, surprised. 

Tommy let a content smile rest on his face. _This was okay. This was good._

The smile lifted a little when he felt Techno pull the blonde closer, placing his arm over Tommy’s shoulders, their hands still laced. 

_This was okay. This was good._

For once, up on the roof, with Techno, he felt warmth bloom in his chest. He felt loved up here with his brother. He felt cared for. He felt safe. 

_Techno was there._

“You can come out here, when you want. It doesn’t have to just be one time.” Techno whispered, right before Tommy fell asleep. 

Throughout Tommy’s entire life, it had been Wilbur and Tommy. 

Maybe, just maybe, it was time for Techno and Tommy.

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to the discord (who came up with this idea) and to Qar (who watched me write this) 
> 
> ANYWAYS, if you liked it, or have anything to say, leave a comment down below, I love to see them. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed and I will you see you next time!


End file.
